Your Feelings are Valid

I’d like to preface this by saying this isn’t a cry for help or an excuse for anyone to start worrying about me. I just want this place and my writing to mature and with that comes talking about things I don’t usually talk about. Things no one usually talks about. Mental health.

I’ve “struggled” with anxiety and depression pretty intensely for about a year and a half now. I put struggle in quotes because even though they are, sometimes my struggles don’t feel valid. I guess that’s a good transition into my anxiety.

I have a lot of feelings. Good, bad, sad, curious, worrisome, stressful, a myriad of thoughts and wonders run through my head every day, like most people, but for me my thoughts keep me up and keep me wondering way longer than they should. If my friends are having a busy week and can’t talk as much, I convince myself they’re annoyed of me and I have no one. They text me with no emojis, are they upset? If I make a joke and no one laughs, have I finally gone and lost my funny, the only reason people really like me? I isolate myself because if I’m not around people they can’t get fed up with me and leave.

I didn’t used to be this way, and to be quite honest I’m not really sure what changed. I think coming to college was a blessing and a curse. I’ve made a ton of new friends I truly can’t imagine doing life without at this point. But I’ve also lost so many friends along the way. Friends I thought would be around to see my kids grow up. I’ve never been good at losing people, has anyone?

Anyway. I’m writing this because it’s 2:31 in the morning and I can’t sleep because even though I saw my friends for hours today, had a nice conversation, laughed, caught up, and reminisced, I still feel alone. Lonely. Forgotten. I know I’m not alone. I work every single day to remind myself of the joys and the blessings that surround me. But I feel it still, and that’s okay. My feelings are valid, and yours are, too. That’s what I want you to get from this. No matter what you’re feeling, you are ALLOWED. We do such a good job of telling people what they should feel and how they should feel and when they should feel but what we don’t do is tell them to just do. Just feel. And don’t apologize for ever feeling like you do. What I will tell you though, is get some help. Talk to someone. I can assure you your feelings are valid all you want but I am not a licensed anything except a licensed driver and that is by pure mistake. Talking out my feelings helped me start to understand what it is that makes me feel this way, and ways I can change my course.

Sometimes, like tonight, my brain wins and that’s okay.

Comments

  1. I love, love, love this! I think it is so important to write post like this. I can feel you on a deeper level because people think sarcastic/funny people like your lovely self can never be upset and if you are all hell breaks loose. It is so awesome to see you being authentic in all your post including this one and sharing that just because you struggle with X,Y & Z, you are okay! You are 100% entitled to your emotions and I will always support you girly! Slay blessed :)

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    1. Thank you, Tori! You don't understand what that means to me. Being an uplifting, positive person is something I pride myself in but it's wonderful to know that even I have bad days, and that's OKAY. I still struggle with this fact most days, but I'm trying to get better.

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