It Snowed Today

It snowed today where I live.

Not enough to grace the grass and make a home for the next couple of days. But enough where you can see it. It falls beneath the lampposts on the street and silently finds its place on the ground before evaporating into nothing. The kind of snow that other than the cold that wraps itself around you, reminds you that it's winter.

I have a friend who loved snow. Absolutely loved it. It was her favorite thing. And today was her birthday. Was....her birthday. She would have loved to see the snow. Perhaps she is the reason for it's appearance today. I'd like to think so.

You see, grief is tricky. It's different for everyone and of course, there are the five stages hoopla and whatever, but no one can tell you how to grieve, or how much the hurt will absolutely shock you and turn your world upside down. You wish you could anticipate it, and sometimes we try, but we can't.

It makes itself known by dreams at night. Putting "what if" thoughts into your head. A smell that reminds you of that warm summer day you shared together. A funny picture that makes your stomach hurt from laughter just like the time it was taken. Or a winter day where snow silently presents itself, reminding you that they're gone, and they're never coming back.

In my humble opinion, grief sucks. But sometimes, sometimes it's nice. That moment right before you realize they're gone, and just for a second you can laugh. You can smile at the thought of times you had together. That's the cool part. But that's the hard part. Focusing on the times before the end was the end and everything was just....okay. There was no goodbye and no pain and no tears and no "well they're in a better place". You had them and they had you, and it was completely selfish but it was okay. I love that part.

I'm not sure how to get past the first part. Where it hurts and everything seems not okay. But we do. We can. We will.

And maybe just maybe one day, it will snow again.


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