How Happy Are You On a Scale From 1-10?

Little did you know, I have many drafts saved of blogs that never quite made the cut. This is one from about a year ago. I was in a really dark place with almost no sight of ever getting out of it. This is something I never intended to share, but looking back now, I made it out and so can you. I'm sharing this in hopes of normalizing the conversation. By the way, I am in such a different place than I was a year ago, she's almost unrecognizable.




A friend asked me a couple weeks ago, "how happy are you on a scale from 1-10?" I thought really hard and quietly said, "probably a four." I didn't know what that really meant at the time. Maybe I didn't think hard enough, maybe I thought too hard. How you quantify happiness or sadness or whatever else lies between the two, I'm not sure, but nonetheless I said four.

Four isn't bad, but it isn't great either. Could be worse, but there's also room for improvement. What I really wanted to strive for in the quantifiable sense is an eight. You may ask, why eight? Short answer, that's my favorite number. Long answer, it seems achievable, it seems doable, and seems like something I've probably already done before and just need to find my journey back to. You see, personally, a ten seems impossible. How can anyone have a perfect, uninterrupted moment of pure bliss. True happiness where nothing else in the world matters. Your thoughts don't consume you, you don't constantly wonder what the catch is. If you've found a moment of pure happiness before, please comment down below HOW.

Not all moments will be tens. Not all moments will be fours. I have days of fives and days of twos, and days where I can't seem to put my finger on a single number at all. This question threw me off guard, mostly because it forced me to self reflect, but because happiness is so hard to quantify.

The point of this maybe isn't even to try and quantify that. A pretty world famous musical theatre number already tried to answer this question. Alexa, play "Seasons of Love." I guess the point I want to make here is one, keep people in your corner who challenge you with questions like this. I'm so grateful for friends who keep my mind in check. Those who check in on me in my darkest days. For friends who know that having me evaluate myself might hurt in the moment, but is so critical for me in the long run. Find friends who question your happiness, and I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, also help improve it. Secondly, know there isn't a perfect number. Like I said before, maybe a ten is unattainable. Maybe your four is a personal best, and that's okay. Also know, there's no timetable to happiness. Your journey is yours for a reason and no one else can tell you how or when to get to your destination. Turn your GPS off and ride this one out.

If she'd asked me today, "how happy are you on a scale from 1-10?" I'd say six. Not an eight. But we're getting there.

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